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Somebody's Gonna Go Vegan Tonight

by John Sakars

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1.
Tonight's gonna be the best night ever, 'cause somebody's gonna go vegan. Somebody's gonna go vegan tonight. I know the world is fucked up, but after tonight, it will be less fucked up. Somebody's gonna go vegan tonight. I can feel the excitement building. A new life is about to begin. Somebody's gonna make the connection. Somebody's gonna go vegan. Somebody's gonna start seeing animals as friends and not as food. Veganism grows bigger every day. That's got me in a good mood. Everybody clap for compassion. Everybody clap for compassion. Tonight's gonna be the best night ever, 'cause somebody's gonna go vegan. Somebody's gonna go vegan tonight. I know the world is fucked up, but after tonight, it will be less fucked up. Somebody's gonna go vegan tonight. Can you feel the excitement building? Tonight's gonna make history. Somebody is gonna start living with integrity. Somebody is gonna realize peace begins on your plate. Somebody is gonna go vegan. I think that's fuckin' great. Everybody clap for compassion. Everybody clap for compassion. Tonight's gonna be the best night ever, 'cause somebody's gonna go vegan. Somebody's gonna go vegan tonight. I know the world is fucked up, but after tonight, it will be less fucked up. Somebody's gonna go vegan tonight. Who's gonna go vegan? Are you? Are you? You know you wanna go vegan. Go vegan tonight, baby!
2.
If a meat ad comes on the radio, I turn the station. Got zero tolerance for animal cruelty. I want animal liberation. In fact, I hardly ever listen to radio anymore. Almost all the commercials, I fucking abhor. I don't wanna hear about the new corpse burger somebody is selling. In a house where meat commercials are blaring, I will not be dwelling. Meat, egg, and dairy advertisements should be banned. We need a vegan revolution all across the land. If a meat ad comes on the radio, I turn the station. Got zero tolerance for animal cruelty. I want animal liberation. In fact, I hardly ever listen to radio anymore. Almost all the commercials, I fucking abhor. I don't wanna hear ads for meat, eggs, or dairy. I don't wanna hear ads for fur, leather, or wool. I don't wanna hear about the rodeo this weekend, where somebody is gonna try to ride a bull. I don't wanna hear any ads for zoos, which are actually jails. I don't wanna hear ads for theme parks that imprison whales. Mainstream radio in general sucks. They play the same songs over and over again. That's 'cause mainstream radio only cares about money. Airing ads to make profits for companies. If you want to listen to radio shows, check out small, independent, internet stations. And if a non-vegan advertisement airs, turn that fuckin' shit off. If a meat ad comes on the radio, I turn the station. Got zero tolerance for animal cruelty. I want animal liberation. In fact, I hardly ever listen to radio anymore. Almost all the commercials, I fucking abhor.
3.
If anybody ever says they don't like you, remember they're just missing a lot of information about you. If they knew all about the hard times you've been through, be nasty to you is something they would not do. For various reasons, people often don't take the time to empathize. They'd rather just judge and believe the lies someone told them. If everybody could see the beauty in your heart, they'd realize you're a work of art. If people dislike you for something you did a very long time ago, they should realize you're a wiser person now, and you'll be even better tomorrow. Every single one of us is a work in progress. Life isn't a destination, it's a process. We should all be kind to each other. Come together as one. Laugh and play together under the sun. Life is far too short to waste any time on hating. We need less fighting, more communicating. What starts with L and ends with E? In the middle there's an O and then a V. The answer is of course LOVE, LOVE, LOVE. Be the change you want to see. We can have equality. Make peace on Earth a reality.
4.
5.
I don't want to be a wage slave today. I've got better things to do than obey a boss who doesn't give a shit about me. To work my life away would be a tragedy. I don't wanna scrub toilets, wash cars, flip burgers, or push pens. I want to have adventures and make beautiful music with my friends. If you ask people who are close to death what their biggest regrets in life are, they'll say they regret working so much, just to spend it all on a house and car. I've got better things to do with my days, than help somebody get rich. I wanna do activism for the animals and help people so they don't have to sleep in a ditch. Let's eradicate poverty. Embrace equality. If we get rid of the jobs that aren't necessary, we can all have more free time, don't you see? We can volunteer at jobs that need to get done. When you're helping those in need, volunteering is fun. Free food, shelter, health care, college education, public transportation would be great. Without money, everybody would be rich. Yummy vegan food on our plates. Let's eradicate poverty. Embrace equality.
6.
I don't know you. I don't know you. All I know is my perception of you. Maybe my perception of you is radically different than your perception of yourself. My perception of you currently makes me smile. I presently perceive you as being someone I'd like to kiss. Will my perception of you always make me happy? I don't know. All I've got are my perceptions. I don't even know if you exist outside of my brain. I hope you're not offended by hearing me say that. I don't know if anyone exists outside of my brain. My perception of you currently makes me smile. I presently perceive you as being someone I'd like to kiss. Will my perception of you always make me happy? I don't know. Maybe one day I will stop thinking about my perception of you. But right now, during this moment, my perception of you is stuck to me like glue. Free will is an illusion. I have no control over how I perceive you. Maybe my perception of you is radically different than your perception of yourself. Sometimes I wonder how you perceive me. Maybe you think I'm good looking. Maybe ugly. Or maybe you don't perceive my flirtation. I could be alone inside a computer simulation. My perception of you currently makes me smile. I perceive you as being someone I'd like to kiss. Will my perception of you always make me happy? I don't know. I don't know you. All I know is my perception of you. Maybe my perception of you is radically different, than your perception of yourself. My perception of you currently makes me smile. I presently perceive you as being someone I'd like to kiss. Will my perception of you always make me happy? I don't know. All I've got are my perceptions. I don't even know if you exist outside of my brain. I hope you're not offended by hearing me say that. I don't know if anyone exists outside of my brain. My perception of you currently makes me smile. I presently perceive you as being someone I'd like to kiss. Will my perception of you always make me happy? I don't know.
7.
I'm begging you, baby. I'm asking you please. Leave the dandelions for the bees. Just like humans, bees need to eat. For them, dandelions are a treat. You wouldn't like it if somebody threw your groceries away. So, when you see dandelions, let them stay. When bees see dandelions, it makes their day. They do a little dance. Hip hip hooray. Leave the dandelions the fuck alone. They are a food source for the bees. When it comes to insects, don't be haters. Bees and other insects are pollinators. Pollination is needed for plants to reproduce. Without plants, we would starve, you can deduce. Leave the dandelions the fuck alone. They are a food source for the bees.
8.
If you gain weight from too much chow, I will never call you a cow. I respect you and cows. Don't use cow as an insult. If you eat every single fig, I will never call you a pig. I respect you and pigs. Don't use pig as an insult. If you avoid thoughts that are deep, I will never call you a sheep. I respect you and sheep. Don't use sheep as an insult. If you get scared and your pulse quickens, I will never call you a chicken. I respect you and chickens. Don't use chicken as an insult. My friend, I hope you have no desire to insult anyone at all. But if you insist on insulting someone, leave the animals out of it. Animals are innocent. Don't be speciesist. Never use the name of an animal as an insult. If you're disloyal and we have a spat, I will never call you a rat. I respect you and rats. Don't use rat as an insult. If you check out women while out for a jog, I will never call you a dog. I respect you and dogs. Don't use dog as an insult. If you complain that we are not rich, I will never call you a bitch. I respect you and female dogs. Don't use bitch as an insult. If you tell a lie and make my heart break, I will never call you a snake. I respect you and snakes. Don't use snake as an insult. My friend, I hope you have no desire to insult anyone at all. But if you insist on insulting someone, leaves the animals out of it. Animals are innocent. Don't be speciesist. Never use the name of an animal as an insult.
9.
If I had a nickel for every person who doesn't wanna suck my dick, I'd be a millionaire. I'd be a millionaire. If I had a nickel for every person who doesn't wanna suck my dick, I'd be a millionaire. I'd be a millionaire. My penis and my testicles are getting together for a pity party. They're feeling a little bit sad, because I'm the only one who plays with them. My penis and my testicles are getting together for a pity party. They're feeling a little bit sad, because I'm the only one who plays with them. If I ever meet someone and they wanna suck on my penis, perhaps I will be okay with that. If they don't want to suck on my penis, I will also be okay with that. Since I don't wanna suck on a penis, I don't expect anybody to wanna suck on my penis. Since I don't wanna suck on a penis, I don't expect anybody to wanna suck on my penis. Since I don't wanna suck on a penis, I don't expect anybody to wanna suck on my penis. Since I don't wanna suck on a penis, I don't expect anybody to wanna suck on my penis. If you don't wanna suck on my penis, put your hands up. Put your hands up. If you don't wanna fondle my testicles, put your hands up. Put your hands up. If you don't wanna swallow my semen, put your hands up. Put your hands up. If you do wanna suck on my penis, let's get married. If I had a nickel for every person who doesn't wanna suck my dick, I'd be a millionaire. I'd be a millionaire. If I had a nickel for every person who doesn't wanna suck my dick, I'd be a millionaire. I'd be a millionaire. Don't feel sad if nobody wants to play with your genitals. There are people who have much bigger problems than that. There are people who have no clean water to drink. There are people who have no food to eat. Those people wish that a lack of oral sex was their biggest problem. If nobody wants to suck your dick, repeat after me: first world problems. First world problems. If nobody wants to suck your dick, repeat after me: first world problems. First world problems. Since I don't wanna suck on a penis, I don't expect anybody to wanna suck on my penis. Since I don't wanna suck on a penis, I don't expect anybody to wanna suck on my penis. Since I don't wanna suck on a penis, I don't expect anybody to wanna suck on my penis. Since I don't wanna suck on a penis, I don't expect anybody to wanna suck on my penis.
10.
Vegan vagina juice. VVJ People can call me a pervert. People can say that I'm a disgrace. But I'm not afraid to tell the whole wide world, that I want you to sit on my face. We can take our time, baby. Making love is not a race. I wanna get so drunk off your pussy, that I feel like I'm in outer space. Vegan vagina juice. VVJ Take me by the hand and lead me to your bed. I will lie down and rest my head. You can sit on my face and grind away. I could lick you until my dying day. I wanna hear you moan with pleasure, while you ride my tongue at your leisure. I want nothing more than to make you feel good. I wanna lick your clit and your clitoral hood. Vegan vagina juice. VVJ Vegan dicks get harder. Vegan pussies get wetter. The sex is better when you're vegan. Vegan dicks get harder. Vegan pussies get wetter. The sex is better when you're vegan. Let's get together for a sexy party. I could lick you all day. You are fuckin' sexy, baby. Yeah.
11.
This vegan cake is fruity, you sexy vegan beauty. Do you wanna come over and eat it with me? This vegan cake is creamy. It makes me feel quite dreamy. I'd love to share my vegan goodies with you. This vegan cake is light. Do you wanna have a bite? Do you wanna come over and eat it with me? This vegan cake's egg-free. Do you wanna eat with me? I'd love to share my vegan goodies with you. Hmmm, I love vegan desserts. And of course, my favourite vegan dessert is you. If I could have all the vegan desserts in the entire world, or kiss you, baby, I would definitely choose to kiss you. No dessert could ever be as delicious as your kiss. Your yummy kiss. Every inch of you is fucking sexy, my dear. I wanna put my hands on your rear. Your vegan vagina with a cherry on top, would make me salivate so much, I would need a mop. You are my favourite vegan dessert, by far. When it comes to being yummy, you have raised the bar. You are sweeter than candy, juicier than fruit. For a chance to lick you, I would eat a boot. You are, by far, yummier than any dessert could ever be. My favourite vegan dessert is you. You are so yummy, I can't get enough of you.
12.
13.
I had lots of fun visiting with you. Delicious vegan food, we got to chew. We conversed under a sky that was blue. Together we gazed at a beautiful view. I feel glad that I got to exist, during the same time period as you. I am an atheist. I don't believe in god. But I can't help but think of you as a goddess. Vegan goddess, I love you. I am glad to be your friend. Vegan goddess, I love you. I'm glad you exist. Thank you for spending time with me. I hope to never forget your beautiful smile. Thank you for being compassionate. You radiate love for a million miles. I feel glad that I got to exist, during the same time period as you. I am an atheist. I don't believe in god. But I can't help but think of you as a goddess. Vegan goddess, I love you. I am glad to be your friend. Vegan goddess, I love you. I'm glad you exist. Vegan goddess, you are lovely. I am glad to be your friend. Thanks for being kind to me. I feel very lucky to know you. Thank you for giving me so many wonderful memories. I smile when I think about the time we spent together. Vegan goddess, I love you. I am glad to be your friend. Vegan goddess, I love you. I'm glad you exist.
14.
Dan: Diane, I had a hard day at work today, and I am hungry. Diane: Sorry you had a hard day. Dan: I know you want to take me to a vegan restaurant, but I need real food. Diane: Well, we'll go somewhere where you can get something that you'll enjoy. John: Hello, my name's John. I'll be your server today. What can I get for you? Dan: I want the biggest burger you got. John: Great. Diane: I'll have a veggie burger. John: Excellent Dan: Ew. Diane: Lovely weather we're having. Dan: Yes, nice day. I hope you don't think I'm being a jerk. Diane: You know I love you. Dan: I love you too. Almost as much as I love meat. Haha. Just kidding. John: Here you go. Diane: Thank you. Dan: Thank you. John: Enjoy Diane and Dan both take a bites of their food. Dan: Wow, this burger is delicious. No tree bark and grass for me. Diane: I'm glad you're enjoying it, sweetie. John: How is everything. Are you enjoying your veggie burger? Dan: This is a veggie burger?! John: Yes, of course. This is a vegan restaurant. Dan: Diane! You tricked me! But I have to admit, this burger is delicious. Diane: Of course it's delicious. Veganism is the way to go. Dan: Well, this burger certainly fooled me. I guess I was wrong about vegan food. John: Veganism rocks! John: If someone offers plant foods, don't be rude. Diane: Be open-minded and try some vegan food. John: We don't need to eat birds, mammals or fishes. Diane: Be adventurous and try some vegan dishes. DAN: You're right, I need to stop eating animals. Diane: All creatures have a right to live. DAN: I'm sorry for being closed-minded before. DAN: Can you find it in your heart to forgive? DIANE: Of course, dear. Yes, I forgive you. John: We are all works in progress. Diane: We can't change the past, but we can move forward. John Animals aren't ours to oppress. DAN: I want to be a vegan, just like you. DIANE: Oh dear, that's wonderful to know. DAN: I want to be kind to animals. DIANE: If you go vegan, you won't end up down below. Dan: Being open-minded rocks. Diane: Being compassionate rocks. all three of us: Together, we can liberate all animals. Dan: Veganism rocks. Diane: Activism rocks. John: Yeah!
15.
16.
My heart goes boom, boom, boom. My brain goes think, think, think. My heart goes boom, boom, boom. My brain goes think, think, think. I don't make my heart beat. It beats all on its own. I don't make my brain think. It thinks all on its own. Everything does everything all on its own. I'm just along for the ride. I just relax and observe. I don't get stressed out. I'm just watching a movie. I just relax and observe. I don't get stressed out. I'm just watching a movie. The moment when I think I'm making a choice, is actually the moment when I'm simply becoming aware of the choice my brain made for me. My brain thinks for me. I'm not the author of my thoughts. If you wonder why I do the things I do, remember, I'm just a product of my genes and life experiences. I'm just an ever-changing collection of atoms, bound to the laws of physics. I don't make my heart beat. It beats all on its own. I don't make my brain think. It thinks all on its own. Everything does everything all on its own. I'm just along for the ride. I just relax and observe. I don't get stressed out. I'm just watching a movie. I just relax and observe. I don't get stressed out. I'm just watching a movie. My heart goes boom, boom, boom. My brain goes think, think, think. My heart goes boom, boom, boom. My brain goes think, think, think. I don't make my heart beat. It beats all on its own. I don't make my brain think. It thinks all on its own. Everything does everything all on its own. I'm just along for the ride. I just relax and observe. I don't get stressed out. I'm just watching a movie. I just relax and observe. I don't get stressed out. I'm just watching a movie.
17.
Sexy vegan superhero, I love you. You're guided by compassion in everything you do. When I think about you, I get a smile on my face. If everyone were like you, Earth would be a great place. When I see you doing activism, my heart sings. Thank you for helping to liberate all Earthlings. Vegan superhero, I love you. I know that animal cruelty makes your heart ache. You may wish animal exploiters would jump into a lake. Please don't worry, everything will be okay. The vegan community grows bigger every day. One day the whole world will be a vegan paradise. Every cage will be empty. Won't that be nice? Vegan superhero, I love you.
18.
Fuck this place. Fuck this fuckin' place. Fuck this place. Fuck this fuckin' place. Even one second in this hell, is one second too long. Every single thing about this place is just plain wrong. Somebody please open the door. I do not want to be here anymore. This place fuckin' sucks. This place fuckin' blows. Suckin' and blowin' can be good sometimes, but not when it comes to this place. Fuck this place. Fuck this fuckin' place. Fuck this place. Fuck this fuckin' place. Even one second in this hell, is one second too long. Every single thing about this place is just plain wrong. Somebody please open the door. I do not want to be here anymore. This place fuckin' sucks. This place fuckin' blows. Suckin' and blowin' can be good sometimes, but not when it comes to this place. Fuck this place. Fuck this fuckin' place. Fuck this place. Fuck this fuckin' place. Even one second in this hell, is one second too long. Every single thing about this place is just plain wrong. Fuck this fuckin' place. Fuck this fuckin' place. Fuck this fuckin' place. Fuck this fuckin' place. This place is a big disgrace. This place is a big disgrace. I need to get the fuck out of here. I need to get the fuck out of here.
19.
Do you like it better when I lick, or when I penetrate with my dick? Do you like it better when I suck, or when I fuck? Does my mouth give you more pleasure? Or is my dick the real treasure? Baby, let me know what you like best. I wanna make you cum. I wanna make you cum, you sexy individual. I wanna make you cum. I wanna make you cum. I wanna scratch your itch. I don't care about money. I don't want to be rich. I just wanna make you cum, you sexy human being. Sometimes I like to ask questions. Like, what the fuck is the meaning of life? Today, I've got the biggest question in the world. How can I make you feel good? I wanna make you cum. I wanna make you cum, you sexy individual. I wanna make you cum. I wanna make you cum. I wanna scratch your itch. I don't care about money. I don't want to be rich. I just wanna make you cum, you sexy human being. Sometimes I like to ask questions. Like, what the fuck was I born to do? Surely I was born to do a whole lot more than just eat, sleep, and poo. I wanna make you cum. I wanna make you cum, you sexy individual. I wanna make you cum. I wanna make you cum. I wanna scratch your itch. I don't care about money. I don't want to be rich. I just wanna make you cum, you sexy human being. Do you like it better when I lick, or when I penetrate with my dick? Do you like it better when I suck, or when I fuck? Does my mouth give you more pleasure? Or is my dick the real treasure? Baby, let me know what you like best. I wanna make you cum. I wanna make you cum, you sexy individual. I wanna make you cum. I wanna make you cum. I wanna scratch your itch. I don't care about money. I don't want to be rich. I just wanna make you cum, you human being. I think you're an awesome person, and I'd love to make you feel good. I don't have much sexual experience, so directions would help. Is that understood? Tell me what to do to make you cum. Have I told you lately that you have a nice bum? Tell me what to do to make you cum. Yeah. Also, some people aren't able to have orgasms, I'm told. So if there's nothing I can do to help you cum, that's fine too. Even just cuddling is lovely. Yeah.
20.
Divorce your carnist husband and get together with me. I know it's sad when your husband eats animals. Let's run away and hug a tree. We'll eat delicious vegan food. Make love on the beach by the sea. Do some animal rights activism as well, so that one day animals will be free. Are you tired of watching your husband eat animals? Are you tired of fondling an animal exploiter's genitals? Are you tired of smelling corpses on your husband's breath? Are you tired of swallowing semen that tastes like death? Then, divorce your carnist husband and get together with me. I know it's sad when your husband eats animals. Let's run away and hug a tree. We'll eat delicious vegan food. Make love on the beach by the sea. Do some animal rights activism as well, so that one day animals will be free. I know animal cruelty sometimes makes you cry. I hope your husband loves you enough to give veganism a try. Ask him what's more important to him: a steak or his wife? If he says the steak is more important, tell him to have a nice life. Divorce your carnist husband and get together with me. I know it's sad when your husband eats animals. Let's run away and hug a tree. We'll eat delicious vegan food. Make love on the beach by the sea. Do some animal rights activism as well, so that one day animals will be free.
21.
Can you imagine being in a factory farm, with nobody to call for help? Nobody to come dress your wounds, no matter how much you yelp. Can you imagine being in a slaughterhouse, knowing you are going to die? Nobody to come save you, no matter how much you cry. Humans have emergency phones and that is great, but where the fuck are the emergency phones for the animals? Humans have emergency phones and that is wonderful, but where the fuck are the emergency phones for the animals? Can you imagine being in a lab, with people experimenting on you? Getting tortured every day and there's nothing that you can do. Can you imagine being forced to work, never given a choice? Wanting desperately to be free, but no one listens to your voice. Humans have emergency phones and that is great, but where the fuck are the emergency phones for all of the animals? Humans have emergency phones and that is wonderful, but where the fuck are the emergency phones for the animals? Many of us take it for granted, that if we were ever to bleed, we could call someone and get the help we need. We wouldn't even have to beg or plead. Many animals are not as lucky as we. They are considered pieces of property. They don't get to rest under a shady tree. They live lives full of misery. They don't get to gaze at the stars. No listening to people play guitars. No cruising around in fancy cars. They spend their lives behind bars. Animals do not exist for humans to use. Animals do not exist for us to abuse. Eat veggie burgers at your barbecues. No feather pillows when you take a snooze. Try being vegan. You've got nothing to lose. Choose compassion.
22.
If you wanna get into my pants, you gotta eat plants. Gotta eat plants. Don't eat animals or their secretions. If you wanna get into my pants, you gotta eat plants. Gotta eat plants. Don't eat animals or their secretions. My body is powered by plants. I am always ready to dance. I'm looking for some love and romance. I don't own a fancy boat, but I can write you a love note. And maybe one day, we can visit a goat. Can you handle this sexiness? Vegans taste fucking delicious. Can you handle this sexiness? Vegans taste fucking good. If you wanna get into my pants, you gotta eat plants. Gotta eat plants. Don't eat animals or their secretions. If you wanna get into my pants, you gotta eat plants. Gotta eat plants. Don't eat animals or their secretions. My body is powered by plants. I am always ready to dance. I'm looking for some love and romance. I don't own any fancy cars. I don't like drinking alcohol in bars. But we can gaze at the stars. Can you handle this sexiness? Vegans taste fucking delicious. Can you handle this sexiness? Vegans taste fucking good.
23.
Many people love money. Money, money, money, money, money. They do shitty things for money. Money, money, money, money, money. They rape and torture for money. Money, money, money, money, money. They steal and murder for money. In factory farms, animals suffer immeasurably, just so people can make money. There are prisons for profit, where there's an incentive to lock people up just to make money. People even start wars for money. Love of money is the root of a lot of evil. So, to get rid of evil, let's get rid of all the money. Love of money is the root of a lot of evil. So, to get rid of evil, let's get rid of all the money. Some people hoard their money. They do not share their money. They impoverish entire nations because they don't wanna part with their money. Money is divisive. It separates people into classes. We will not have unity as long as we have money. Money is just a way to impoverish certain people, by turning them into wage slaves so they have to struggle just to survive. Without money, we'd all be rich. Without money, we'd all be rich. I wish the 99% could wake up one day and say fuck money. Most jobs are completely pointless, but people work at them just so they can pay their bills. Money is a big waste of everyone's time. Money is a big waste of everyone's time. Let's get rid of money and embrace unity. Let's get rid of money and embrace equality. Let's come together as family and work together for the common good. Other animals don't need money, so why do humans need money? The truth is, we don't need money. Money isn't wealth. Nature is wealth. Nature is wealth. The real banks are the forests. The real banks are the mountains, the rivers, the lakes, the seas, the trees. The birds and bees. Money is an illusion. Money is not real. It's just numbers on paper and inside computer devices. Money does not have value. All money is useless. Money does not grow on trees. None of us can eat money. We pretend money is real, in this game we're playing. But, money is make believe. That is what I'm saying. This game of monopoly is funny no more. Let's get back to real life. Money is a fucking bore. Love of money is the root of a lot of evil. So, to get rid of evil, let's get rid of all the money.

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released October 5, 2016

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John Sakars Niagara Falls, Ontario

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